Mar 17 2009
How well do you know your neighbors?
***WARNING*** The following posting is NSFW, even though I have blanked out the extreme curse words, this is better read alone. Of course, you will want to share the laughter with others so by all means go right ahead.
I’ve seen, heard, and read some things on the Internet that I never knew existed before. I thought I had read it all, until tonight that is. The man decided to share something with me, and let me tell you I’m still giggling over it. I’m sure you’ve all heard of Craigslist before, I use it looking for animals, electronics, or places to rent. What I never knew was that they had a “casual encounters” section before.
It’s a place where people literally place ads looking for sex, all sorts of sex. Of course to understand half the ads you need a dang translator with all the abbreviations they use. It doesn’t take too long to figure out though. Most ads are the same old same old. “Horny hot girl seeks hot guy, older man looking for young girl to dominate, and even “young stud just wants a blow-job.” A few were sick, some sad, some just downright creepy. The ultimate best one though has to be the following ad, its a bit long winded, but extremely hilarious and original.
” Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.
You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.
I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.
Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.
When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, “MORE”, “HARDER”, “YES”, “F*CK ME”, but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.
When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your a*s. You are allowed to say something like “OH GOD”, “YES”, OR “IT HURTS” no other conversation is allowed.
When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to c*m inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like “Thanks”, “It was great”, “I loved it”, “Don’t stop”
If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.
I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.”
Well, at least he was honest. The man brought up a valid point though. Remember the end when you get to the flag and can repeatedly hit the turtle getting more and more points? Well what happens if you do? I simply had to share this with my fellow twisted bloggers, I knew you would enjoy. So I ask you again, just how well do you know your neighbors?
HA!!!! This is frakkin’ hilarious!!!! It’s downright twisted…but still hysterical.
I gotta agree. The guy deserves credit for being honest and knowing exactly want he wants.
And for the record (in response to the previous comment), this gal would likely get NO spanking. Which is good…right? Or maybe I want that. Ummmm….I better quit now ;-)
Lol! I remember reading this in the ‘Best of Craigslist’ section. The Best of Craigslist = people that make me look normal in comparison.
Then again like Shawn from above I have certain friends that prolly would find that fun XD
I wish I could remember the ad with the girl who wanted a guy to go down on her while she played Arena in World of Warcraft…
ROFLMFAOOOOOOOOOOO….. Glad you guys see the humor in this as well as I did. I seriously about died. It was so good I had to read it out loud on air tonight. Not sure on the response other than I sent a few into giggles..