its completely nipplelicious

Well, I thought I had already experienced the most embarrassing things in the world to be had lately. I was wrong, oh so very wrong. It’s taken me quite awhile to be able to admit this one. Pretty much, the only reason I am willing to share is that I know someone, somewhere out there has had the same thing happen to them. I hope. Of course, I don’t see anyone else jumping up to share this story, so perhaps not.

Let me set the picture clearly for you. Late at night, me and the man. I started off wearing my sexy black lace outfit (as we all know, those don’t stay on very long).I had my ball gag in, and for once it didn’t give me such a hard time putting it on. Of course, I did poke 3 extra holes in the belt to adjust for myself. My bedroom was hot, filled with the smell of sex. I had my “substitute” vibrator in, legs high up in the air, and we both were ready to go.

It was at that very moment, the time when we both were ready to share our “joy”, the peak oh so close, when my bedroom door starts to slowly open and I see a tiny head start to peek around! I have never, and I do mean never, jumped off a bed so fast in my entire life. Three things happened at once. I jumped up, ripped said vibrator out, and slammed my door shut; all while saying “What,”! It was the most horrible experience ever to date. Apparently in my desire to share just how turned on I was, I had become very vocal and woke my youngest child up. He decided to come check on me.

At any other time, that would have been cute. At this time, it was instant mortification as well as instant turn off. There was no picking back up where we left off. Hell, I had a time simply lifting my head up after that. I was sore, embarrassed, and left wanting. I can at least be proud that I didn’t yell at my child, I calmly told him to go back to bed. I’m also lucky that said child was still mostly asleep and never really opened his eyes. That’s at least one sight I am sure would scar a child for life. The man is another story though. I don’t think he has laughed so hard in a long time.

So let this be a lesson to other parents out there:DON’T FORGET TO LOCK YOUR DOOR!! I am not only locking it form now on, I’m off to Home Depot to look for the heavy duty master lock.

As we all know, Saturday was lovers day, aka Valentines Day. I decided to do something a bit special, a little more racy than usual simply because of it. It’s a taste for me, I want the mushy stuff don’t get me wrong, I just don’t want it on a day that most feel obligated to act that way. So my way was going into a new adult store near me. I’ve seen it, and kept meaning to stop in, but always got sidetracked. Well all I can say is I have now found a new playground!! This place was great, roomy and a ton of choices.

I went in knowing what I was going to get.  First I wanted a fish net full body stocking. I also wanted to get a ball gag, something the man and I have both been dying to try. They didn’t have my full length stocking, but they had a chemise that was even better. It was black and bigger holes, with solid black lines covering (well almost covering) in the perfect spots. I also bought a black nightie that was made of lace, with a tie up in front. I decided when it came time for the ball gag, I had better ask someone since this was a first for me. The salesclerk was great, she directed me to the beginners ball gags, which have holes in them so you can still breathe. It was explained to me, that a lot of women new to ball gags get panic attacks when they can’t breathe, so I should start with the one for newbies. Fine with me, lol.

As I was heading out the door, another package caught my eye, and I simply couldn’t resist. It was a vinyl tethered harness with nothing but straps and hooks everywhere. Looked like fun, so I picked that up as well. Of course, the first thing I did when I got home was call up the man and show him our new toys. We decided to try them on one at a time, and do a little model show for him and I. The first outfit was so tight getting it on the first time, I thought it wouldn’t fit. I thought to myself “one size fits most my arse“!   The man said not to worry though, after a few try on’s, it would stretch for me. We really loved that first one, extremely hot. Next came the lacy nightie. It was hot too, but more for a “hey baby look at me,” and not a “I’m going to jump you right now.” Then it was time for the vinyl.

This became an adventure in itself. It was easy enough to step into, I didn’t even have my feet in the wrong holes! But when it came time to snap it around my neck, oh man. That thing was so tight, tighter than I usually like having my neck squeezed. Again, the man says it will loosen up after a few uses, and I sure as hell hope so. Nothing says major turn off than your woman turning blue as you ram into her. The worst part I had however, was hooking the ball gag. It is most definitely NOT a do it yourself job. The type of buckle that came on it made it nearly impossible to hook behind your own head! Of course, it was too big as well. So there I was. Sitting on my bed wearing a vinyle harness, sweating and cursing at my ball gag because I can’t get it to buckle, or when I do, it wouldn’t stay!

All in all though, the outfits worked out great, better than even I had thought. Now, some of you might ask me, “Why the hell is she sharing this with me“? Simple. I wanted to share the following. I am not the worlds skinniest broad, I don’t have large boobs, and after three kids, there are most definitely stretch marks and a baby pouch. But let me tell you, putting on those three outfits made me feel as if I were the sexiest woman on the planet. Eat your heart out playboy bunnies!

Alright, I’m having technical difficulties here. There is a smell permeating my apartment. I have no clue what it is, but its here. I know I slacked off on cleaning due to my long work week, but damn I wasn’t that far behind. This smell is offensive, its not stronger in one spot than others, it simply lingers. I cleaned all weekend long trying to not only find this offender of my nostrils, but to get rid of it.

On Saturday I scrubbed the bathroom  and the kitchen. I even cleaned that stupid pan under the fridge (I had no clue you were supposed to check that for water once a month,).  I cleaned under my couch, finding some change, lint, and a pair of socks I thought were lost. Yet the smell still lingered.

Today I scrubbed my non flushing, might as well be a Porto potty toilet. I made the kids clean their rooms, and I checked under beds for hidden food. I emptied my garbage cans, and I cleaned out the cupboards. Yet as I sit here typing, the smell is invading my nose again. Its almost a food smell, yet not. It doesn’t smell rotten, it almost smells wet. I wish I could explain it better. Or had smell-a-vision on my blog. I keep picturing the scene from Independence Day. You know the one where Will Smith yells at the alien “And what the hell is that smell“!

I  wonder if when the neighbor downstairs moved out, she might have left a little present in her fridge. I sincerely hope not. For now I will try and ignore the smell, I’m tired from playing detective. Besides, I’m getting stuffed up again, maybe I won’t smell it anymore.

 First off, again let me apologize for my absence. I am finishing up a nine day work week here, and it’s kicking my butt. I don’t know how the hell I did this crap when I was younger, but man am I feeling my age today. One more day to go, and then I am off for the weekend. So what you are about to read is my rambling, well in a creative way at least. Hope you enjoy, and feel free to toss in your own “If Only’s”.

If only…there were 5 more hours in my 24 hour day

If only…more people took the time to smile at a stranger

If only…my tax refund would get here

If only…there were no such things as “bad parents”

If only…I was in California right this minute

If only…I wasn’t a worry wart

If only…I could get up the nerve for those nipple rings

If only…more people gave love a chance(it really is worth it)

If only…I could see the sun

If only…I could feel my toes

If only…energy wasn’t only for the young

If only…my tummy would stop rumbling(I will NOT get into that Ben & Jerry’s tonight)

If only…more women would age gracefully and not with technology

If only…I didn’t have to keep filling my own toilet

If only…my brain shuts off soon so I can get a full nights sleep

If only…the man knew just how much I love him

If only…well hell, I could go on like this forever. I think you get my point though. It’s time to shut this little brain off for the night, I hear my pillow, blue, and a certain shirt calling my name.