its completely nipplelicious

The following is a true story. Names have not been changed, since none of you know mine anyways. This is one of those things that goes down in history as the all time most embarrassing moments. Consider yourselves lucky because I am going to share mine with you.

It all started out innocently enough, well perhaps not innocently, but with good intentions. After years of denying myself, the man talked me into buying a vibrator. I picked out one of the normal looking ones, a nice pink one with a bullet in the end. Hey, what did I know, as long as the thing worked it could have been purple for all I care.

I got nice usage out of that “substitute” as we called him. Until one early morning play time. I was, shall we say riding vigorously, and all of a sudden I heard a “pop” and felt the sharp pang as my little toy bent inside me. The man says the look on my face was priceless. After carefully removing the vibrator, I inspected the damage. I had broken the bottom from the battery compartment, the wires were all showing, and it was broken in half. I thought I was going to cry. Only I could break a vibrator that badly.

Now, I was prepared to simply throw the thing away in the dumpster, however the man dared me to take it back to the store I bought it from and demand a replacement. I thought he was crazy. It was hard enough to go in there the first time around. Now he wants me to bring in a broken toy?!  Without giving myself too much time to think about it, I placed the vibrator in my purse and I went to work. Yes, I know you are thinking I am the crazy one at this point, but it gets better. So I work all day, and after wards head to the adult store right down the road.

I get in there, face red I’m sure, and tell the clerk I have a return. I pull the vibrator out, set it on the counter, and tell her “I thought these weren’t supposed to break!” She started giggling, and then I looked around the store. There were about 20 other women in there. Turns out it was a convention of sorts for fellow adult workers and store owners. They took turns passing around my broken vibrator, each one remarking about it in one way or another. One older lady, she must have been in her 60’s told me that the vibrator I had was one of the best in the industry and she had never seen anyone break it the way I had, nor in such a short period of time.(I had the vibrator for one month.) I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not.

The discussion then turned into which one I should buy instead. So there I was, in the middle of an adult toy store with 20 or so women of all ages giving me advice, bringing out different vibrators, and the whole time I’m trying to sink into the floor as far as I could go.

All in all, I ended up with a newer model, and a request to let them know how this one worked out. I was also given reassurance that if this one broke, free replacement, with no questions asked. My broken vibrator has become somewhat famous now, I’m sure its sitting on some woman’s desk as a reminder of what NOT to do. The man has become somewhat more careful also. I’m sure after a few more years, he’ll let me be on top again….maybe.

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